Member-only story
Your Baby’s Instagram Account? Yeah, I don’t wanna see that…
Dear Anyone Who Has An Instagram From Your Baby’s Perspective,
Just to be clear: Please stop.
I don’t want to see your child chewing on a block then read the caption he “wrote” about problem-solving and discovering new things.
I don’t want to see your child dressed as a lion, then talking about protecting the lions of the Serengeti.
I don’t want to see your baby post: “Mommy took me out today!”
Just to be blunt…
That account isn’t cute. Your kid poops his pants, has the strength of a boneless chicken, can’t walk or microwave a burrito, and doesn’t speak English or Spanish or Chinese (or any language at all), so you’re not fooling anyone.
Now that we’ve all agreed on the overly-obvious fact that it’s you behind the account, that it’s you taking the pictures, that’s it’s you writing all the captions, we have to go through the reasons why you might have done this thing.
Did you want more attention?
Or validation?
Did you not get enough love as a child?
Or are you worried that babies are actually kind of weird-looking to you — and you don’t want to tell anyone — so you have to overcompensate…
